If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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