you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
