I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
