the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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