god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
we have officially lost it.
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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