i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
