dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
