omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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