sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
You brought string cheese to the strip club
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
