new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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