Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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