You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
