pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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