the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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