he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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