I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
