Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
