do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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