I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
