STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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