Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
