do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
