try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
