guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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