so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
