So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
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