i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Randomize
