i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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