SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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