Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
