it's too hot outside to masturbate.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
