We're facebook friends in real life
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
you made out with another girl for some wings
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
