I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
