Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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