Pants 0. Shit 1.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
