the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
