at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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