I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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