hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
