just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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