I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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