Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
