He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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