I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
