I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
