woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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