Your face is a jimmy john
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
