he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
