the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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