we have officially lost it.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
