Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
