I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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