Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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