I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
