I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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