How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
